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Accountability is a Bitch

Why does everything have to be my fault?

Nothing like the sting of taking a look at your frustration and anger about certain circumstances and realizing, “Did I do that?!” (Urkel voice)

Being a conscious creator is not for the faint of heart. (Cheers to me because I refrained from saying what you thought I was going to say.) My manifesting game is very strong these days. I think about what I want or need and then I feel the universe moving things in the background to get me there. There are many big things that I have yet to receive, but on the day to day, things have been lining up almost as fast as I can think of them. Here's the catch though. When your energy is lined up to be a good receiver, there is a chance that you are also going to draw in the opposite of what you want.

Let me explain…

We all have a negative comfort zone as well as a positive comfort zone. It’s usually looks like something you were accustomed to dealing with as a kid. For example if your parent was a slob or hoarder and you got used to living in filth, it would not be unnatural for you as an adult to then attract a mate that doesn’t clean or you yourself feel fine not cleaning your house and living in piles of crap. So that would be your negative comfort zone. You consciously know that you should not live in filth and that it is not what you want to do, but somehow you have attracted an environment of filth that you're living in along with plenty of great things that you manifest at the same time.

Get it?

The hard part is catching yourself to not attract the negative comfort zone stuff when you're in a good manifesting place.

I have had a negative comfort zone of living with highly emotional people. Unpredictably emotional. So as I got older I was very comfortable having highly emotional relationships. Usually it was both myself and my partner that were highly emotional and combustible.

As I got older and more conscious, I did not want to be such a hot mess. I worked very hard to cool down and not to be the crazy girl that throws the giant candle at my boyfriends head. I did a very good job of calming down right after I married my first husband. Soon after we were dating, he realized that aside from being an amazing, loving, beautiful, soulful, fun person, I also could go off like a rocket and lose my shit completely, resulting in tacos flying at his head while driving or him being dumped out of the car in the middle of nowhere.

It only took a few of those treasured moments for him to say, “Hey, I love you but if you are going to be a psycho and abuse me like that, I’m not going to stay with you.”

My negative comfort zone was so natural to me, I didn’t even realize that there would be people in my life that would leave me because of it. I thought it was just part of my package and it was charming, sortof.

That was my wake up call, and that was the last taco I ever threw at any ones head. Needless to say that marriage didn’t last, but that’s a story for another day. The takeaway from that marriage was that I made up my mind to knock it off and I did.

That’s conscious action. I was very proud of me for changing my bad behavior and sticking to it.

However…

My negative comfort zone still exists in the undertow. Instead of me being the highly emotionally unpredictable one, I attract people like that. I was a foster parent for teenage girls and that was the perfect avenue for my negative comfort zone to get to me. I loved the girls and the drama. Just my kind of crazy. Fast forward to I married someone with bipolar.

Now you get the gist right? I love my negative comfort zone as much as I love my peaceful, joyful comfort zone. I love people that are emotionally wacka doodles ( technical term) and so as I attract bigger and better things in my life I also attract bigger emotional challenges.

BUT, I am on to myself. This is the job of a conscious creator. To catch yourself in the act so you can redirect. I started a new job a while back and my assistant and I became fast friends. I quickly fell in love with her and her daughter and was having great plans of holidays spent together and the fun of having a BFF again, but I quickly found out that she has some very severe emotional and mental issues. No biggie right? I have lived to fry crazier fish then that. But that wasn’t all, she also lied, manipulated and stabbed me in the back.

NOT COOL.

I can deal with the occasional off the rails behavior, but straight up screwing me over does not a good friend make.

This was not the first… or second… or third time someone I considered a really close friend pulled the rug out from under me. So I got it.

I DID IT AGAIN! I attracted my negative comfort zone for I could have a crazy person to love. But the more power I became as a manifestor the bigger and faster the creation of crazies.

Our working relationship ended. I felt pulled to forgive her and work the friendship out, but I caught myself. I knew that this was my old manifesting tricks and if I keep buying into it, it will never stop.

So I let her go.

I didn’t write an email. Didn’t text. Didn’t confront. Nothing. I didn’t give it any more life to live. I was full up on my drama quota just in my marriage so i chose to disengage from another relationship that would have been chock full of frustration and me trying to fix her.

Woohoo! I broke the chain!

Or did I?

Many months later at a different job I just started. I happily went to my cool new job to realize on the very first day…

Yep, you guessed it, I did it again. My boss was an emotional basket case. Her basket was overflowing with gifts of sudden outbursts of tears or random acts of being a total asshole.

I must be in high manifesting mode! Lookie me go!

Just my kind of crazy. But as conscious person, I have to do the tough thing and take accountability.

Ouch.

I will not fuel the fire of my negative comfort zone. I choose peace above all else. As tempting and fun as it is to go a few rounds of teaching someone a lesson on bad behavior, I know the rules of the conscious game is to stay in my lane. Let her learn her lessons from God, not me. I keep a close eye on my energy to monitor the urge to engage with the crazy.

I sometimes feel like life is boring without the uproar of the battle to fight against the powers of darkness and then I go back to sitting on the beach or taking a nap with my cat and I remember what my priorities are.

Peace first. I’ll fight for it. Myself, that is.

For more about Temple's work: Templesworld.org

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