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Are you winning?

When the appearance of a good relationship is not enough.

This mornings song in my head:

“Nobody ever told me

I found out for myself

You gotta believe in foolish miracles

It's not how you play the game

It's if you win or lose

You can choose, don't confuse, win or lose

It's up to you

It's up to you

It's up to you

It's up to you

Go, go, go”- Ozzy

Wow, this one really got me thinking.

So often we are concerned as to how things look. How we are playing the game. We all want to look good don’t we? We want the nice house and the loving spouse and beautiful kids. I have seen it. I have seen the people that look like they have it all going on, but at home, behind close doors, in the private spaces of their minds, they are hurting. They are not winning.

What good are the appearances if you feel empty inside? If your kids would rather be anywhere then hanging out with you?

What good is your rockin body that you work so hard for, if your spouse would rather be hanging out with the “fluffy girl” at work because she thinks he’s smart and laughs at his jokes? (Oh she went there? Yes I did. )

Appearances are bullshit. We are at an age where we can take our picture 50 times to get a good one. Believe me I am guilty of this too. It’s become a huge distraction to what really matters and what people really care about. Remember when we only had the disposable cameras and how great they came out?! With only one chance to get it!

My best friend and I have a thing we do.

We always take a picture of us with no makeup and no filter every year. So we can always be real with each other.

Those are some of my favorite pictures. Usually right after we have been crying because we didn’t want to say good bye or while we were sitting have our coffee/tea on the deck in the morning and laughing.

You can see the love and the joy in those pics. How connected we are in that moment.

Not our perfect, beautiful faces at the right angle with the sexy make up.

We all know how to make ourselves look our best, but if your light isn’t turned on, then it’s just a pretty picture on a flat canvas. No life.

I’m not saying that we all need to air our dirty laundry out all over our friends, at church, at the kids school or looking like a hot mess and not caring. What I’m saying is that just a pretty picture is not enough for anyone.

It’s energy that holds people together. It’s passion, interest, love, even hate, resentment, guilt or fear can hold people together. Because it’s a high vibration. There are times when we feel all those things in our relationships.

That keeps it interesting, doesn’t it?

It’s when you don’t feel anything anymore is when you better watch out. People say they only want peace and happiness. That is a lie! If that were really true then why do people go cheating on their spouses and take the chance at ripping their entire lives apart? Because of the ENERGY that they feel when they are with that OTHER person. It’s not peace and joy that they are feeling.

They are feeling, excitement, passion, connected, strong, WANTED.


It doesn’t matter what size you are people, if your spouse feels wanted by you, they will see you as sexy and attractive. I don’t just mean sexually. I mean if they FEEL that you WANT them around you. You like to talk to them, you like to listen to them, you like to laugh with them.

If these things are not happening then you are not winning. You have to go back and clean up some stuff. The appearances are not enough now and they definitely won’t hold you together forever.

Someone will blow out! It happens all the time. Great couples doing something stupid because they had been disconnected to long.

You have to define what works for your marriage. What it takes to stay connected. How to talk about the things you don’t want to talk about. Create something that works for you both, not the IMAGE that everything thinks is happiness, but what is YOUR happiness?

Do you even know? Do you dare even say it? You worked your whole life to build the thing everyone is supposed to have just to feel like shit inside? NO. There is another way.

We can find it.