I woke up one morning in a funk. I got a collection call from an old utility bill that I forgot about after moving years ago. It was 6 years old. The guy on the phone said that he wasn’t trying to be hard on me, he just wanted me to be aware that I have a debt out there and that I need to take care of it.
I was like, thank you for calling me to remind me that I’m a flaky douchebag that doesn’t pay her bills. That was my first thought. Then I went down the rabbit hole of every other thing in my life that needs attention. And every other thing in my life that I need to make a plan for.
Isn’t it funny when someone says it’s not personal, how personal it feels?
I had another similar experience that someone left a review about my room I rented out and said things that weren’t true. I asked him why didn’t he just message me directly that he wasn’t happy or just say something to me while he was here before he put it on my public profile? He said it wasn’t personal, he just wanted other people to know so they would be aware of what he thought.
What about that is not personal dude?!
People often think it is their responsibility to tell you and anyone else they can when they think you’re a piece of shit.
Why is that?
I’ll tell ya why. Because it feels better to blame someone else for your experience then to take responsibility for what you have created.
It feels empowering to say, “It’s not personal, but… you suck. Because if the other person sucks and you see it, then you must not suck, right?
Oh yes, blame feels so much better than personal disappointment. Or the pain of having to speak up for what you want instead of it just being handed to you because you think you should have it and you think the other people around you should know how to give it to you.
Or even worse you have spoken up, a bunch of times and you still are not getting what you want from them.
So, it’s waaay easier to put your energy on them and say,
I’m not happy because of you. But it’s not personal. I just want you to change everything about you that I don’t like.
If only there was a machine that we could just program the perfect people that we could have as our friends and family. The kind of people that know exactly how to treat us for us to feel good being around them and they would behave just the way we would like them to.
I’m sure we're headed there. Our phones have become our best friends, so I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before we can program everything in our lives to be just the way we want them! Yeah!
Ummm, I dunno. How long can you handle life without any challenges? Without anything to figure out? Nothing to analyse? Nothing to research?
I have had times in my life where I felt like I had it all. I had accomplished everything that I had on my list of things to accomplish up until that age that I was. Then you know what I did next?
I burned that shit to the ground.
Every time I thought I had everything I ever wanted, the perfect place to live, the partner, the family, the friends, the job, the church, the fun, I have lost it all and had to start completely over.
Why is that?!
I’ll tell ya why. Because I’m a builder. I’m a researcher. I’m a fixer. I’m a manifestor.
And so are YOU.
What does a doer do if they have nothing to do? They create something to do!
Oh I am so creative! I can take everything I care about and dismantle it piece by piece with my criticism and ability to never be satisfied.
My point is, we are creative beings. We can’t have the phones doing all the thinking for us and sit on a beach everyday of every year and be perfect harmony without getting bored… restless.
We need to analyse. It’s in our nature. Solving things is fun. Seeing something that someone is doing that you have a solution for just boils up in us to where we can’t stand it! We must share it with them!
But wait, think about the times when someone was criticizing you about what they saw to be a flaw and you were like, huh?! I was having a rough time then. Or, I did the best I could. Or, I wasn’t trying to screw it up. Or, I wasn’t trying to hurt you.
I just didn’t see it that way. I’m doin’ my best here. Give me a break.
And wasn’t it great when the people that you said that to, did give you a break? That they showed you compassion and empathy when you needed it most? They bought your story. They took the spotlight off you.
Think about that when you are about to tell someone something that is NOT personal. Are you telling them because it will give you relief for not taking responsibility for not getting what you wanted?
Be careful who you are venting to. Will talking crap about somebody to other people change what you are getting from them? Are you the one that should have or could have left the relationship along time ago but you didn’t and now you're mad at them for not changing?
News flash people. It’s ALL personal.
ALL OF IT.
So rather then peck away at what you have built so that you get to recreate something bigger and better.
Slow your roll. Enjoy the messy masterpiece you have co-created. Keep building, there's plenty of room to expand. Let the things that are not working for you, fall off as they stop serving a purpose, but you don’t have to burn it (or them) down.
It’s all about you anyway. Your learning to speak up with compassion and empathy. Your learning to fine tune your desires. Your learning to laugh at yourself and your mistakes.